Five year-old me stood at t he rusty wire gate with my mother. Dark clouds prowled all around. My uncle asked me if I’d like to have an over-night visit with him. Didn’t these people who loved me see the black rain clouds bearing down? Another glance at t he threatening sky, and a timid shake of my head. What if it rains so much that the water rises and makes the river crossing on the country road dangerous? What then?
My mother waved her brother off and t he evening storm came.
FEAR. Where did it come from? My mother cared for me, and she loved me. Why didn’t I trust the people who loved me, and why did a five year-old child make decisions based on fear?
A child has a limited perception of the events and non-events that make up his or her life and is shaped by that perception.
It would be nearly five decades until the penny dropped for me. Fear became my constant companion as I grew, allowing imagined future events to dominate my thoughts. Living from a place of fear stifles creativity and achievement, while the opposite (living from a place of love), creates limitless possibilities.
The ego controls ‘fear’. It is the ego’s job to stay safe and in control at all times, so therefore if the ego is aware that a projected situation could be unsafe, it will push all the right buttons to produce enough fear so that particular situation is avoided. If you’re in a mindset of habitually choosing to fear outcomes (like I was), then there is very little button-pushing required. playing it safe, making excuses, and placing demands on others, comes natural. Safe and familiar at all costs.
A person who allows their ego to make choices based on fear, will remain unfulfilled. Risk-taking will be at a minimum, change will be avoided, introspection and self-discovery will be totally out of the question.
Ask yourself why you haven’t undertaken some project, career change, move, or relationship issue (or indeed, even accepted love into your life), and the answer is always ‘fear’. Fear of failure (or success), fear of loss or hardship, fear of repercussion or discomfort, fear of change or growth, fear of psychological pain, fear of judgement, disapproval, embarrassment or opposition.
Conquering fear will allow you to thrive, rather than just survive. Everything that you fear is a fictitious future event or feeling, so in short, you are afraid of something that hasn’t yet happened and is not guaranteed. Look at your choices from a different perceptive, a perspective that involves ‘time’. Live one moment at a time; you can not go back in time to alter past decisions or events and their outcomes, and t he future is not yet here. Fear only exists in our thoughts, our thoughts of what might happen in the future. Everything that happens, happens right now at this moment. So resist imagining the worst that can happen in the future, and live in the moment. The present.
If fear of making a mistake prevents you from moving forward, then you’ll stay stuck without the prospect of improving your life. I remained stuck, numbed by fear of the unknown for decades. When I finally grasped the concept of living in the present moment, I thrived. Good things happened.
I have not totally conquered fear of the future or of outcomes from my decisions, but my thought processes are much more constantly realistic and positive. I am consciously living in the present. This has not been a quick fix, but living from a place of love instead of a place of fear creates endless possibilities. Living from a place of fear is self-defeating.