Once-in-a-lifetime friendship

Early morning light paddock dam reflections

To find one person in a lifetime who genuinely understands you deep to your core, totally accepts you for the unique individual you are, and loves you unconditionally, well, you’ve really hit the jackpot. A blessing and gift beyond imagination.

People come and go throughout our lives, even family, and that’s the way it’s meant to be. We don’t meet people accidentally or by ‘coincidence’. Every person in our life is placed on our path for a reason, be it to learn from or to teach, to love us or hurt us, to open our mind or our eyes, to encourage us to question or to discover. And more. We draw these souls to us with the energy we emit and the quality of humanity we exemplify.

I believe our souls choose our family and birth circumstances before reincarnation so that we are placed in a situation and family that will best teach us the soul lessons we need to learn. The worse our birth/family situation is, the better opportunity we have to reap the rewards from the lessons we will be presented with. Nothing comes from an easy ride.

Sometimes we feel the need to leave family members behind, just as we do with friends or lovers, because that relationship has deteriorated beyond repair, and we realise it’s time to let go and move on. Don’t resist this need. It is meant to be. The real tragedy lies, not in the breaking of the union, but in not being open and accepting of the lessons offered by these people who are now also ready to move on.

I have a precious relationship with my daughter. We have a soul connection that is stunning in its strength. It has not always been like this, but as each of us came out the other side of trauma and grew from the challenges that our souls took on individually, we discovered who we were. And we discovered each other.

We’re both aware of this special bond that goes far beyond family ties, and we both nurture our relationship. Our connection transcends all, and we are truly each other’s saviour in times of need. I am so grateful that the Universe has gifted me with this friendship.

Sometimes I also yearn for a friend who is on that same frequency but more my own age. I haven’t found her. I may never find her. But I am living my life in a manner whereby I am open to our energy drawing us together. Meanwhile, I feel blessed beyond words.

It is my hope that every person can make a soul connection as profoundly rich as I have. But be aware that it won’t happen unless you are prepared to go outside of your comfort zone, be open to new knowledge and experiences, and be willing to nurture this relationship like the precious connection of soul energy it is.

Ritual circle paddock early morning light sunrise


One way to help make the world a better place


There was a time when I thought the human race wasn’t worth anything. Our world in such a state of disconnection and discord – crimes against humanity, violation of our planet home, and local communities obsessed with ‘success’ at the cost of all else. Corporate greed, personal gratification, governmental corruption, ignorance and neglect at a family and neighbourhood level. Ethics of a gutter rat. Too grim to comprehend a future.

My darkest days were upon me. Mental ill-health ruled my life, and I sank into isolation. Wild creatures were my friends, my only friends – backyard birds, lizards and snakes, frogs and bugs. Any and all of Mother Nature’s animals that would allow me into their space. I all but gave up on people.

Although my love and appreciation of nature has not diminished, my hope for humanity has grown many-fold. Violence against humanity and Earth, on a global scale, if anything, has increased: terrorism, inequity, persecution, greed, materialism. BUT my thought processes and outlook have changed. My perspective is more grown up, more universal, more positive, more charitable. My view is holistic and comes from a place of love instead of a place of fear.

Despite the world’s massive and apparently irreparable woes, I can sense an undercurrent of goodness, of change, of connection that transcends nationality and social standing. There is an energy of universal love spreading through humanity, causing a shift in attitude.

The catalyst for this energy is self-love and self-compassion. Not a love that involves the ego, rather, a self-love that must replace self-loathing for any growth on a soul level to occur. We (you and me, the elderly crippled woman, the business man, the retiree, the janitor, the school teacher, the single parent, the barrister, the troubled youth, the  homeless, the refugees), we can help heal the wold ONLY if we can find the courage or develop the capacity to love ourselves and work on healing our OWN pain, our own past hurt and grief.

When we are able to accept our past ‘stories’ for the necessary and beneficial lessons that they have truly been, we are then able to heal and move forward. As this process begins, we begin to change, we become aware of who we are and why we’ve been where we’ve been, and why we’re here. And then we can not help but live from a place of love that inspires others and triggers a ripple effect of soul growth far and wide.

One seemingly insignificant individual who doesn’t have a spare dollar to give to those less fortunate than  him/herself, can help heal the world simply by living authentically and unashamedly from a place of love. And it is my unwavering belief that this is the REAL giving.

learning to love yourself is the best way to help heal the world

Age has nothing to do with happiness

Hunter Region Botanic Gardens

I’m 60, But what does that really mean? For me, it means that my children have flown the coup, it means that I have a new generation of children to love in my grand-children, it means I have fewer financial commitments and my everyday time constraints are relatively unimportant. And it also  means that I’ve had six decades for inner growth to instil awareness.

My life is not perfect and my health is not ideal. But I’m happy. Happiness does not come from perfect or ideal ANYTHING. Happiness is an energetic state of being, manifested from a feeling of love and gratitude. Happiness is a CHOICE. You can get out of bed in the morning and choose to be happy, or you can choose to be miserable.

I’m not sad or distressed in any way that my life is  now in it’s third and final trimester. No way. There is no point saying in hindsight that I’d have done things differently, because we are always where we should be to learn what our soul needs to learn. If I didn’t learn those lessons there, I’d have had to learn them somewhere equally unappealing. I’m happier more often and for longer periods and far deeper than I’ve ever been because my spiritual path has taken me inwards to discover the person I am. That person has developed the confidence and ability to love unconditionally.

Love is everything. I embrace the imperfections of my self and my life and the world at large as a giant chalk-board with messages and plans, questions and answers, dilemmas and challenges to be addressed with love and gratitude. Love will show me the way. LOVE is the ONLY way.

At 60, with silver hair and an ample waist, my passion for life is like that of a child, just considerably slower. I try new things, taste new foods, take on new challenges, love new people, go to new places, and think new thoughts. Age doesn’t matter. Love and kindness matters, and more than ever, I am aware of the power of love and kindness to heal my self, other people, and the world. I didn’t know this when I was a child, or a teenager, or even a middle-aged woman.

We all grow and change on a soul level at different rates. We all have our own path, and because my path has taken me places I didn’t want to go, and handed me pain I didn’t think I’d survive, I have grown and changed in leaps and bounds.

I am happy because I choose to be happy. It is my hope that you too, can choose to be happy.

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My circle of emotional support

Depression Blog

Some women have a few circles of emotional support: a small inner cluster of nearest and dearest, coupled with a network of close friends always there to love them the way they need to be loved. They’re dependable and familiar. I’m guessing that yet other women have an even wider outer circle of friends to fall back on when the need arises.

My circle of confidantes consists only of my  husband and our daughter. It’s enough, but it’s not enough. I still struggle.

I’m on the other side of the country at the  moment, giving an ailing friend some much needed TLC, but I don’t manage well all the time. When I fall in a heap away from the familiarity of my comfort zone, who do I turn to. Phone calls home to my loved-ones only go so far towards helping me on the road to recovery.

I’m sitting at a rustic wooden table in a quiet corner of a restaurant looking into a glass of wine, and nibbling on cheese and crackers. Alone. It’s less than ideal – drinking alone while gripped by stress. But ‘alone’ can be healing. Writing is also healing for me. Getting my thoughts out of my head starts the process of purging. Analysis. Recovery.

There’s a selection of taste sensations on my plate: quince jelly, delectable soft cheese, crunchy bread, and dried fruits that don’t have names. Delicious. Comfort food. The music’s soothing, yet uplifting. A few tears escape.

Self-compassion. I do what I must to avoid depression taking over. My best is all I can do, and some days my best is not as good as it might be on another day. I’m living authentically. This is my self-administered pep talk. Short and simple. This is ME, and I can not make apologies for the ME that I am.

Dessert. And a brisk walk home in the cool night air. No moonlight tonight. I manage a sort of a smile as a Magpie chortles, unseen.

…..And then…..at first light, Mary (a friend of a friend who I now regard as my friend) rang to check up on me – she predicted my dilemma. Hugs, coffee in the outdoors, much talking, and I’m now ready for the day. Bless Mary, she is a treasure, and I wish we didn’t live thousands of kilometres apart. The sun is pushing through the clouds, and the Magpies are still chortling.

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In pursuit of harmony


AS I delve within to acknowledge and address the past painful issues that have not yet been dissolved, I will work towards harmony. Implementing self-compassion, reaching out to my higher self to care well for my body, mind and spirit – aiming for harmony between body, mind and spirit.

When I have developed a state of harmony within, harmony will naturally be created around me and in my world – this pure energy of love will then flow out into the Universe, helping to heal others – and this, in turn, helps our planet to heal. As others, too, work on their own pain dissolving past stories, they too will contribute to the healing of t he world. A ripple effect. It will take time, and effort, but I feel positive that the human race can change.

Unfortunately, reality is that many souls are not yet ready to work on healing their ‘stories’, and therefore will not reach a place of harmony in their current lifetime. These people can be difficult to be around because they see themselves as victims of circumstances, and victims of their parents’ treatment. They take little responsibility for the outcomes of their own choices, their own happiness. They see happiness as an outside issue, when genuine happiness cannot come from anywhere but within. They see their current problems or character traits or conceived unfairness of the world as a given, not something that they can control or change. Tragic, not only for these individuals, but for their loved-ones and the world at large. But we are all travelling our own paths and working on different aspects of our lives, and those not working at a soul level will be focused on physical issues, and that is just where they are meant to be. We are all in the right place at the right time.

At 60 years of age, I am a late bloomer, but I am changing, creating a life I love. Creating a ME I love. This takes dedicated inner work. This journey of continual inner reflection and learning is the most exciting and rewarding undertaking of my life. For all those working on their SELF, I applaud you, for you are not only healing yourself, but you are helping to heal the world.

Rocky cape NP 030

A ritual in a paddock

1 Ritual fire and stone ring

I hadn’t performed or participated  in a ritual before. Rituals are a regular part of my daughter’s life, so I enlisted her help.

Generally she coincides  her rituals with the appropriate moon phase or her solstice feasts. The moon emits powerful energy, and if harnessed for the greater good of all, can enhance your life. In simple terms, the full moon is for releasing unwanted energy, while the new moon is for drawing desired energy to your life.

The moon was not in the right phase, but as I regularly celebrate the changing of Mother Nature’s seasons, I planned my ritual for the transition of autumn to winter. Change.

My aim was to send entrenched detrimental behavioural patterns off into the infinite expanse of the Universe so that I have room to adopt healthful and rewarding practices which I can develop into habits.

We prepared our sacred place. A tiny fire surrounded by a decorative ring of Earth’s treasures – pebbles and shells – all enveloped in Tracy’s circle in the paddock. Trees and grass, amazing clouds. A magical setting amongst nature.

A candle, representing fire, faced south. Incense burned to the east, symbolising air. Water was sprinkled to the west, water being the third element in Creation. And two crystals pointing north, representing earth.

2 Ritual fire in sacred circle

Earlier, we’d both written out negative issues that we’re both passionate about working hard to replace with positive behaviour. We wrote them with intention and love. As we spoke out loud our written words, we offered them to the fire. The fired took them, reducing them to a grey ashy veil. The breeze lifted them from the flames and carried them off into the wilds. The Universe claimed them, and we requested they be transformed into energy to be used for the benefit of all.

We prayed. We expressed our gratitude. And then we meditated.

We hugged, and walked home, leaving the beautiful stone circle as a gift to the Universe.

Magic. A totally beautiful experience.

3 Ritual fire spent

Touching the life of a stranger

We all touch the lives of strangers, whether we do so deliberately or not, simply by being social creatures. A genuine smile and passing greeting might well be the highlight of that one person’s day. We will never know.


Many years ago, at a time when I was struggling to keep my life together, I found the inner strength to make a positive contribution to one stranger’s life.

While walking through a carpark, I heard the sound of a person sobbing. Initially, I walked past the sound, too afraid of my own inability to cope with anything other than what constituted my own survival, to contemplate offering assistance. But I backtracked, and found a young intellectually impaired man sitting on an outdoor seat, crying into his hands. An older man, his friend? or carer? was trying to console his charge, to no avail.

I sat next to the young man and casually put my arm around his shoulders. He dropped his head to my shoulder, and sobbed. No words from any of us. The sobbing subsided, and he got up, turning to his male companion. They walked inside the Senior Citizens’ building to whatever function was underway.

That’s when I dissolved into tears. I strode off as swift as I could, desperate to avoid speaking to anyone.

I walked home alone, and lonely, in disbelief that I had actually managed to do something worthwhile for a stranger. Helping a face that I would never see again, stayed with me, and inspired me.

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