Once-in-a-lifetime friendship

Early morning light paddock dam reflections

To find one person in a lifetime who genuinely understands you deep to your core, totally accepts you for the unique individual you are, and loves you unconditionally, well, you’ve really hit the jackpot. A blessing and gift beyond imagination.

People come and go throughout our lives, even family, and that’s the way it’s meant to be. We don’t meet people accidentally or by ‘coincidence’. Every person in our life is placed on our path for a reason, be it to learn from or to teach, to love us or hurt us, to open our mind or our eyes, to encourage us to question or to discover. And more. We draw these souls to us with the energy we emit and the quality of humanity we exemplify.

I believe our souls choose our family and birth circumstances before reincarnation so that we are placed in a situation and family that will best teach us the soul lessons we need to learn. The worse our birth/family situation is, the better opportunity we have to reap the rewards from the lessons we will be presented with. Nothing comes from an easy ride.

Sometimes we feel the need to leave family members behind, just as we do with friends or lovers, because that relationship has deteriorated beyond repair, and we realise it’s time to let go and move on. Don’t resist this need. It is meant to be. The real tragedy lies, not in the breaking of the union, but in not being open and accepting of the lessons offered by these people who are now also ready to move on.

I have a precious relationship with my daughter. We have a soul connection that is stunning in its strength. It has not always been like this, but as each of us came out the other side of trauma and grew from the challenges that our souls took on individually, we discovered who we were. And we discovered each other.

We’re both aware of this special bond that goes far beyond family ties, and we both nurture our relationship. Our connection transcends all, and we are truly each other’s saviour in times of need. I am so grateful that the Universe has gifted me with this friendship.

Sometimes I also yearn for a friend who is on that same frequency but more my own age. I haven’t found her. I may never find her. But I am living my life in a manner whereby I am open to our energy drawing us together. Meanwhile, I feel blessed beyond words.

It is my hope that every person can make a soul connection as profoundly rich as I have. But be aware that it won’t happen unless you are prepared to go outside of your comfort zone, be open to new knowledge and experiences, and be willing to nurture this relationship like the precious connection of soul energy it is.

Ritual circle paddock early morning light sunrise


My circle of emotional support

Depression Blog

Some women have a few circles of emotional support: a small inner cluster of nearest and dearest, coupled with a network of close friends always there to love them the way they need to be loved. They’re dependable and familiar. I’m guessing that yet other women have an even wider outer circle of friends to fall back on when the need arises.

My circle of confidantes consists only of my  husband and our daughter. It’s enough, but it’s not enough. I still struggle.

I’m on the other side of the country at the  moment, giving an ailing friend some much needed TLC, but I don’t manage well all the time. When I fall in a heap away from the familiarity of my comfort zone, who do I turn to. Phone calls home to my loved-ones only go so far towards helping me on the road to recovery.

I’m sitting at a rustic wooden table in a quiet corner of a restaurant looking into a glass of wine, and nibbling on cheese and crackers. Alone. It’s less than ideal – drinking alone while gripped by stress. But ‘alone’ can be healing. Writing is also healing for me. Getting my thoughts out of my head starts the process of purging. Analysis. Recovery.

There’s a selection of taste sensations on my plate: quince jelly, delectable soft cheese, crunchy bread, and dried fruits that don’t have names. Delicious. Comfort food. The music’s soothing, yet uplifting. A few tears escape.

Self-compassion. I do what I must to avoid depression taking over. My best is all I can do, and some days my best is not as good as it might be on another day. I’m living authentically. This is my self-administered pep talk. Short and simple. This is ME, and I can not make apologies for the ME that I am.

Dessert. And a brisk walk home in the cool night air. No moonlight tonight. I manage a sort of a smile as a Magpie chortles, unseen.

…..And then…..at first light, Mary (a friend of a friend who I now regard as my friend) rang to check up on me – she predicted my dilemma. Hugs, coffee in the outdoors, much talking, and I’m now ready for the day. Bless Mary, she is a treasure, and I wish we didn’t live thousands of kilometres apart. The sun is pushing through the clouds, and the Magpies are still chortling.

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‘Need’ is not ‘love’

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The true meaning of ‘love’ is somewhat of a mystery, and probably always will be. Perhaps it’s more productive at times to identify what ‘love’ is NOT, rather than what it IS.

‘Need’ is not ‘love’ in an adult relationship. If your spouse or lover or significant other says to you “I need you” or “I can’t live without you” or “you are my life”, this is NOT an act of love. It is dependency, an unloving act. If these statements occur regularly, this is blatant manipulation. These proclamations are used in order to threaten or control you (to hold you to ransom, so to speak). This constitutes ‘abuse’. ‘Need’ is taking, and ‘love’ is giving – opposites.

Dependency in this unhealthy form is not the same as casual feelings o f need, which we all have, and which are normal. For the psychologically healthy individual, emotional dependency on another person does not dominate his/her life or thoughts. A person who is dependent on the love of another individual, when this mutual love is the most important single requirement of  his/her leading a happy satisfying life, this is unhealthy and damaging for both partners.

The dependent person generally has issues with addiction, be it substance addiction like drugs or alcohol, distraction addictions like gambling or sex, or self-serving emotional addiction to his/her pain or ‘stories’. Or, he/she has such a low opinion of him/herself, that he/she needs someone else to validate them and fill the hole that they created.

The dependent individual might not consciously be aware that they have adopted a mindset of victimhood and addiction, but it will be obvious to all those who spend regular time with them. This is not to say that the dependent person  is not otherwise a kind and supportive person – a needy person can be loving in many other ways, generous with time and effort, and genuinely caring. But their dependence on their ‘loved-one’ will be destructive above all else.

However strongly a dependent person  professes their love to their ‘love object’, dependency is NOT love, and is not an act of love.

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Dependency aims to take rather than give. It aims to control another human being. Dependency destroys potentially rewarding and potentially lasting relationships very quickly. A couple might believe they’ve found a beautiful love, but if one of the partners is dependent, the beautiful love will be very brief.

A dependent person will forever be unhappy and disappointed because he/she will feel continually let down. The relationship will cease to flourish soon after it begins. Unless the dependent person opens his/her mind and accepts assistance from his/her more aware partner, or willingly undertakes long-term psychotherapy, there is little chance the relationship will survive in any form that is satisfactory to either partner.

Dependency or neediness, is NOT love. Watch for the signs, and attempt to establish a mutually equitable communication in order to resolve the situation and reap the benefits of lasting love.

Learn who you are. Awareness is gained through getting to know your self. When you are brave enough to know who you are, life delivers bountiful rewards.